you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
