Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
