Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
