When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
