Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
