i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
