i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
