On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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