Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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