Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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