I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
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