god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
