so that wasnt chicken after all
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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