hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
