four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my being single is dangerous.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
