I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
