who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
