Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
