You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We are two peas in an std pod
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
