theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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