i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
