Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
