so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
