Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
