I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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