They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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