you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Couch. On fire.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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