Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
