I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
