I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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