i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
