I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My ass is underappreciated
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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