I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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