And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
