he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
