Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
