When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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