I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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