If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
