I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
