I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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