gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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