fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
