What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
