Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
