dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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