i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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