you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
