Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
