the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
