Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
