More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
