Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
