man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
