He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
