I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
