I look better un-naked...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
