You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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