I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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