im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
