Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
